Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
