Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
