It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
