She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
