We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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