This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
