boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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