my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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