my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
