Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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