Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
