I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
