she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
