y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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