his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
