I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
