yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
