hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
