Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
