Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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