worst night to have a conscience
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
