I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
