I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
