is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
