Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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