my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this boner is exhausting
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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