I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
