I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
