My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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