I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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