did you get engaged???
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In America we eat man semen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
