Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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