My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
