ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
