Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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