Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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