I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
