Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
