dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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