Kiss
Puke
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
