I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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