If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
