when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
