I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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