Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
