i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
