$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
