Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
