Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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