Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
