I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
