I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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