yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
