I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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