I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
