Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to jail i love you
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
